Metagophersis II

Saturday night's dreams were again of the anxious variety, but what could be worse than turning into a monstrous verminous bug, as was my fate last weekend? I'll tell you what's worse: waking up with another monstrous verminous bug lying beside you.

"Mrs. (R)?" I whispered. "Is that you?"

"Not exactly," was the reply. "It's me. Luke."

This qualifies as a new low, as does the Gophers current five match losing streak. The kids somehow managed only four kills in their opening game against Northwestern, and went on to lose 17-15 in the 5th. They topped that the next night in East Lansing, losing 30-28, 35-33, 30-22, with the Spartans going all Ted Williams on them, hitting .400 for the match.

This is when a fan's loyalty meets its sternest test. The gale force winds shake and bend the tree you planted long ago in their honor. Even the nut-slinging squirrels have taken shelter elsewhere. But you know what? The next day, that tree is still there. And there will be matches this coming weekend. Penn State -- thanks a lot, God -- and The Ohio State. We will be there.

Firm and strong, united are we. Rah, rah, rah for ski-u-mah. Cheer for the U of M.

M - I - N - N - E - S - O - T - A!

Minnesota!

Minnesota!

Yaaaaaaaaaay, Gophers!

Now, if you'll pardon me. I need to do something about this dog and find out where my wife went.

(Arf)da!'s Blog

Luke here. But you can call me (Arf)da! if you want. I plan to start posting over at VolleyTalk under that monica (© Jewel 2000) in the near future. Now that the Big R has taken his keyboard and gone home, I figure that’s what we’ll rename this blog: (Arf)da!’s Dead Dog Volleyball Blog. It’s fetchy. As the poodle down the street used to say, it has a certain je nais sais quoi. At least, she used to say it before she was hit by that Buick. Now she just does a lot of cussing about Buicks.

Since I started blogging here, people have been asking me who’s my favorite team. Personally, I find it rather annoying. I blog because I don’t want anything to do with hobnobbing with riffraff, and now I have these clueless rubes coming up to me and asking me questions like who’s my favorite team and how can I blog if I’m a dog and how can I blog if I’m a dead dog. It makes me want to sink my teeth into their legs, to tell you the truth.

But the fact is I do have some favorite teams. I know most of the dog-haters out there -- I’m talking to YOU, (R)uffdork! -- are going to think I’m so unsophisticated that I’m only pulling for the Bulldogs or Lady Bulldogs (all thirteen of them), the Great Danes, Greyhounds, Wolfpack, or Huskies. The Red Foxes, Terriers, Seawolves, Retrievers, or Wolverines. Not true. Not even the Salukis are automatically granted my undying allegiance. I don’t work that way. You think I only go to movies where Lassie has a role? You think I only read dog-lit? Turn my nose up at anything other than Alpo?

No, what makes the difference for (Arf)da! is whether or not the school has a really cool mascot. Like Wisconsin’s new Blue Bucky. That puts the old Popcorn-Box-Weasel to shame. He was too grumpy, anyhow.





I’ll be back with my take on this weekend’s action after this weekend’s action has concluded. I’d give you my take now, but I should at least pretend I’m paying attention.

Response to "Luke"

On the advice of counsel, I would like to respond to the latest blog posted by “Luke”, whoever that may be.

1) It is true I don’t believe in Dog Love. Dogs are fickle creatures, loyal to whomever fed them last. If that’s love, ba-hooey!

2) OK. It is short for “Cool Hand Luke” and my sisters did call him “Honey". But I’m pretty sure it was “Honey Lucas”, not “Honey Luscious”.

3) I categorically deny burying the next door neighbor in Newel Park.

As for your idea about ranking teams, I like it. I second your motion to have Gorf work on it.

Now, leave me alone!

Dog Blog II

The answers are as follow:

1) Her name was Meredith and I loved her madly. You never understood. But why would you? You never have believed in Dog Love.

2) It’s short for “Cool Hand Luke,” although your sisters sometimes claimed it was short for “Honey Luscious.” It has served me well. A much better name than Tolkie.

3) That was the next door neighbor. Not Meredith, mind you. The other one. And some day, my so-called master, you will be found out. Evil, unlike bones and neighbors, never stays buried.


Moving on. I have a great idea for a new ranking system, so hear me out. What if we give a team credit, besides the one for the win, for all the victories of the team they beat, at the time they beat that team? For example, UCLA beats San Diego. They get one point for the win and 7 points for all of San Diego’s victories.

Meanwhile, the losing team receives a debit for the loss, but additional debits for every loss the winning team had at the time of the loss. For example, San Diego takes a hit for the loss plus takes another for UCLA’s one loss so far this season.

I think it’s brilliant.

Unfortunately, I’m pretty busy. I’m going to have to turn this over to Gorf to initiate.

Note that the points become steadily higher as the season progresses! Cupcake conference schedules are not rewarded! It’s simple! It’s the work of a dog.

Isn’t the world a wonderful place?

And, (R)uffda!, stay out of my Blog!

Luke

Luke's blog

(R)uffda!'s dog here. Luke, they call me, when they call me. You might find it odd for a dog to be blogging about volleyball. You might find it even odder when I tell you I moved on to the Big Kennel in the Sky about 20 years ago. That's right. It's a Dead Dog Blog.

So why's old Luke blogging rather than scampering around in -- and crapping all over -- the happy hunting grounds? Well, for starters, (R)uffda!'s been asleep at the wheel for several days, non-blogging as it were. Blogger's Block, he says. Blogger’s lazy butt, I say. Then, for continuings, I've been looking for a new hobby for a while now, ever since I lost interest in learning Italian (long story). And volleyball's always fascinated me, ever since I was a pup. Well, more so fetch maybe, but, still, there was a ball involved. Finally, for finallies, I'm riled up about something.

You know what always got my fleas flying when I was alive and scratching? There was this guy, a pasty-faced guy in a blue suit with a big old bag. Almost every day he'd come to the house and shove papers through a narrow slot in the front door. What the hell?! I'd say before going berserk and chawing on those papers something awful. And then, get this, someone would kick me and call me names and wrench the offensive material from the vice-like grip of my jaws! Like I was the one who'd brought the crap into the damned house!

Anyhow, there’s some stuff going on in volleyball that has the same sort of effect on me. Actually, quite a bunch of stuff. I’ve made a list:

1) The Pac 10 versus the Big 10
2) Gametracker
3) John Cook
4) The AVCA poll
5) Pablo
6) Rich Kern’s color scheme
7) Dave Shoji’s lineup shuffling
8) Washington’s non-conference schedule
9) The multi-colored volleyball
10) Snacks

I hope to expound on these items. Soon. In the meantime, your cat says “hi.”