Ask (R)uffda! (recycled)

As my initial blog for the 2009 season, I am going to trot out an old VolleyTalk post. Why? Let me get back to you on that one.

Dear (R)uffda!

I'm hoping you can settle a bet between my wife and me. She says one should pronounce libero "la-BEAR-oh." I say it's pronounced "LEE-ba-roh." Who's right? I've got twenty bucks riding on your answer!

Highroller

Dear Highroller,

You are both incorrect. The correct pronunciation is "cha-BRKZNYT-oo-da-fant." What say you each mail me a couple of sawbucks and we leave it at that?

(R)

Dear (R)uffda!

It was the oddest thing! I went to the Symphony the other night and everyone in the orchestra was wearing a black tux or a black dress except one of the bassoon players. He was all in white. What gives?

Baffled Concertgoer

Dear Baffled,

You were lucky enough to witness the debut of the "bolero." In an attempt to capitalize on the unqualified success of volleyball's libero, many symphony orchestras have taken to using a bolero, pronounced "boh-LAIR-oh" or "cha-BRKZNYT-oo-da-fant." I guess the basic idea is that the guy can play any instrument he wants as long as he does not use his lips.

(R)

Dear (R)uffda!

I was hoping you could explain something to me. The rule clearly states that the libero's jersey cannot have as a principal color "any color that appears on more than 25 percent of the body of the non-libero team members' uniform." How the heck do they check this?

Troubled by Math

Dear Troubled,

This is the down ref's responsibility. You may have noticed the little doo-dad these refs have been wearing, a little device that clips to their belt and connects to an earpiece. This is the iLib(TM). It's amazing what it can do to keep unruly liberos in line. It detects uniform violations, illegal attacks, front row sets, and small firearms. An alert is transmitted to the down ref's ear and -- voila! -- the whistle is blown.

Interestingly enough, Microsoft thought they had a competitive version ready for the 2004 season, but in test runs some high-pitched whistles would cause a disabling electric charge to be inflicted on the user. Microsoft says they hope to have a "patch" available for the 2007 season.

(R)

Dear (R)uffda!

Is there anything you don't know, Mr. Smarty-Pants?!

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,

Beats me. I guess that answers your question, right? Thanks for the feedback.

(R)

Ask (R)uffda!

Some knowledgeable volleyball people are calling Penn State the best DI team of all-time? Is this true?

Yes, that’s what some of them are saying.

Let me rephrase ...

Don’t bother. I was just joshing with you. Is Penn State the best DI team of all-time?

That was my question.

Don’t interrupt me, please. I was speaking rhetorically.

I would say maybe. Who knows? It’s like that Coke commercial where the high school football team from the 50s is playing the team from the 00s. Coke, of course, pretends that the game will be competitive, whereas we all know that 50s team is going to have their asses handed to them.

How do we know how this Lions team would do against the 1998 Beach team? Or the Walsh/Folkl Stanford squad?

This sort of question is just not something I can answer. I can’t deal with pure hypotheticals.

Is it true Obama is a Bulgerian?

No. And way to go all tangential on me.

If Obama were a Bulgerian, would that change how you feel about Bulgerians?

No. It’s Belgians I have my beef with. With which I have my beef. But if Obama were a Bulgerian, it’d change how I feel about the Democratic nomination process.

What’s been the biggest surprise so far this season?

I’d have to say the T-Rex eating all those WSU fans. A close runner-up was Mick Haley singing the National Anthem with Boy George.

How do we dig our way out of this financial crisis?

Gotta trust the block and your teammates. You start Gentiling on us and you may as well kiss that 401K goodbye. Only Paula can pull that off.